Keep It Together
by Karin Skywalker
Summary: Follow Remus as he finds out about the death of James and Lily Potter, and also the arrest of his other best friend, Sirius Black. Some Sirius/Remus.


It is October 31st, 1981 and the moon had just risen. It is about three-fourths full, and I am grateful that it isn't full as I wander the forest, eating berries as I walk. I haven't properly eaten in almost a week—I've been surviving on berries and other edible plants like this for awhile. I occasionally eat meat, but not often.

I finish the berries, and as I wipe my hand on my robes, I feel a twinge of foreboding. My sixth sense is trying to tell me something! I think. I close my eyes and force my restless body to relax. My sixth sense—or my "wolf sense" as my friends called it—has never been wrong before. After a moment of concentration, an image of James Potter and his wife Lily Potter—two of my dearest friends—come to mind. It is followed by an image of Dark Mark. My eyes pop open in fear. Something horrid is about to happen to James and Lily!

Before I fully register what I am doing, I am running as fast as I can through the forest, towards the Potter residence. Even though I don't actually know where they are—the place is protected by the Fidelis Charm—I let my instincts lead me. After what seems hours, I arrive at the house. To my horror, I see a flash of green light, and a moment later the wall and ceiling on the second floor are blasted away. I am frozen to the spot, and with horror I realize that the Potters must be dead.

I force myself to walk to the back door. Then I use my wand to blast it open, and walk through the first floor and to the living room. I find that the front door has been blasted open in much the same way I blasted the back door, and with a cry I find James lying on the floor by the couch. I run to his body, and realize he's dead—killed by Avada Kedavra curse.

"No. . . ." I whisper. "James. . . ."

I get up and look around, trying to find the perpetrator. Surely the murderer is still here? Unless he's Apparated. . . .I push the thought from my mind. I run upstairs to the second floor, and call Lily's name frantically. Then I hear someone crying, and follow the sound to a bedroom. I realize that it's a baby I hear, and quickly go into the room. Right there, in the crib, is young Harry. He abruptly stops when he sees me, and watches me curiously. I look around the room—surely Lily is here?—and I see a bit of red hair sticking out among the debris.

I move some of the debris by hand before I remember that I am a wizard. Then I use my wand to uncover her completely, and crouch down by her. Lily, it seems, is also dead—killed the same way as James. I wipe some silent tears from my eyes as I stand up. I turn and look at Harry, who continues to watch me curiously. He is a mirror image of what I imagine James had looked like as a toddler; same short, messy black hair, same facial structure. . . .but he has Lily's beautiful green eyes and an odd, lightning bolt-shaped scar on the forehead. I approach the crib and pick the toddler up, and he offers no resistance.

In fact, Harry smiles at me—evidently deciding I am okay—and grabs a little bit of my long brown hair. I cannot help but smile. He blows a small raspberry and laughs. I laugh softly with him for a moment, then I look at him quizzically.

"What are we going to do with you, Harry?" I ask him.

He smiles at me in reply. I smile back and put him down. He immediately stands—quite wobbily, might I add—and stumbles over to Lily. He begins to poke her and pull her hair—evidently thinking that she is playing a game with him.

"Oh, Harry, don't," I say. "Your mum won't be waking up."

Harry looks up at me with a look of defiance on his face; he looks exactly like James for a moment. I shake my head and pick him up again.

"I guess we will be staying here for tonight," I say.

Harry looks up at me and then looks down again. I put him down again, then I lay down by him. Harry sits down then lays down beside me. I put an arm over him to keep him warm, then I doze off. After awhile, near midnight perhaps, I wake up suddenly. I sit up groggily and look around. I see Harry laying down by Lily, his head upon her breast.

He seems fast asleep. I smile slightly and wonder what could have woken me so suddenly. Then I hear the unmistakeable sounds of a motorcycle. After a few moments, I realize it is his motorcycle.

I jump to my feet, fearful. I look around and rush to the first suitable hiding spot I see—Harry's closet. I crouch down and make myself as small as humanely possible. As the motorcycle nears, the noise of the engine gets louder. Then the motor cuts off and silence follows. After a few moments, there is a strangled, pained cry.

"NO!"

I hear the cry from the living room. He has found James's body, no doubt. Then I hear him running up the stairs, and a moment later he runs into the bedroom. He sees Lily and Harry—who is still sleeping, amazingly enough—and gives another strangled cry.

He is as handsome as I remember. His face is wrought with anguish and framed by shoulder-length black hair. His deep brown eyes are shiny with tears as he looks at—what he thinks, anyway—is a dead Lily and a dead Harry. After his second cry of "NO!", Harry wakes up and sits up, wiping his eyes with a fist.

"Harry! You're alive!" Sirius drops down and picks Harry up, hugging him close.

I sigh contendedly at the sight. He stiffens, and so do I. He puts Harry down and turns slightly, so he is facing the closet head-on. His gray eyes are fearful and determined as he raises his wand threateningly at the closet.

"Come out of there!" he demands, his voice shaking slightly.

I slowly stand up in the closet, then I walk out of the closet with my hands held up in surrender. I stop a few feet in front of him.

"I mean no harm, old friend," I say softly.

"_Remus_?" he asks, eyes wide in surprise.

I smile a little.

"Hello, Sirius," I say, having a little trouble with his name.

Sirius puts his wand up his sleeve, and I put my hands down.

"H-how? Why?" Sirius asks, his voice breaking a little. "Where have you been?"

I sigh and look away.

"It's complicated," I say. "But I can say I regret cutting myself off from the world like I did. Especially now."

Sirius crosses the gap between us and puts his hands on my shoulders. He then shakes me gently.

"Tell me, please," he demands. "I-I've missed you. I _demand_ you tell me, Remus!"

I put a hand over one of his and I sigh. Then I look into his intense gray eyes when I speak again.

"I've been in hiding on Dumbledore's orders," I admit. "I went home after graduation, and found my parents murdered. I contacted Dumbledore, upset and confused. He told me that, being a werewolf, I'm a natural target for the Death Eaters, especially now I'd graduated. So he told me to go into hiding, and to keep my contacts to a bare minimum. He promised to contact me when it was safe to come out of hiding. I quickly obliged."

Sirius remains silent.

"I took his instruction seriously, but I decided that it would be safer to cut myself off from everyone, rather than risk my letters being intercepted. But some Death Eaters have found me on occasion, and I killed them in self-defense," I finish.

Sirius smiles broadly, and I smile in reply.

"How did. . .?" he begins to ask, then halts awkwardly.

". . .I know about this?" I finish for him. "My wolf sense."

Sirius and I share a small laugh. Then we turn serious again.

"Is that why I never saw you at their wedding?" Sirius asks softly. "Because of your exile?"

"I _was_ there," I admit. "But I didn't stay too long, though. Strange we didn't encounter each other."

Sirius shakes his head a little. Then he pulls me into an embrace. I am surprised by the gesture, but I return the hug. Then we pull apart and I search his gaze.

"You forgive me so easily?" I ask.

"I love you, Remus," Sirius admits. "I understand why you stayed away."

I smile in reply, relieved. Sirius moves closer to me. Our faces are barely an inch apart when we are startled by a loud shout from outside.

"SIRIUS! Where are yeh?" yells a familiar voice.

"I'm up on the second floor, Hagrid!" Sirius calls back. "I'll be down in a minute!"

He never takes his eyes from mine as he speaks. We kiss, and I barely manage to keep myself together. I reluctantly break the kiss.

"I've got to go," I say softly. "I don't want to be seen by Hagrid."

I turn to leave and am nearly to the door when Sirius grabs my arm. I look at him, curious.

"Where can I find you?" he asks.

"The Forbidden Forest," I reply.

Sirius's eyes light up.

"So you're the one who's been snagging his chickens and his vegetables, eh?" he asks.

I nod guiltily.

"Don't worry, I won't tell," Sirius promises. "Besides, he doesn't suspect a thing. He thinks it's wild animals taking it all."

"Thanks, old friend," I say, smiling a little.

"I'd better go first with Harry, so Hagrid will be distracted enough to not see you," Sirius says.

I nod, and he picks up Harry in his arms. He goes out the door, and I follow behind him slowly. He waits for me at the bottom of the stairs on the main floor.

"Until we see each other again," he says.

I smile as he pecks me on the cheek. Then he head to the front, where I see Hagrid's unmistakeable outline. I count slowly to five, and hear Sirius talking to Hagrid before I slip out the back door rather quietly. I run to the forest and make my way to the Forbidden Forest.

A few days later, I hear of Sirius's arrest. He was sent to Azkaban without a trial, and was sentenced to life imprisonment there on the charge of murdering Peter Pettigrew and twelve Muggles. I am shocked at the news. When my grief passes, I go back home. I pack my suitcase with my most prized possessions and some changes of clothes. Then I set out to start a new beginning.


End file.
